What if I told you that there was a child living inside of you? And that he dictates and decides a lot of what you do – in your social life and sex life? This week in Man on Fire, we focused on channeling this inner child. Having an inner dialogue with him and finding out his needs and wants.
If you checked in last week with us, one of my students shared his experiences concerning the exercises that took place with parental relationships and open-mouth breathing. And he’s back again this week to share his progress.
Channeling Your Inner Child
I went into this week with a little more confidence and a stronger desire to make the most out of these exercises. Again, Sarrah had us set up pillows and use them to visualize parts of us, this time focusing on our inner child.
She prepped us by having us ask ourselves, what is it that our inner child wants? What are their unfulfilled needs and desires? And how do they feel about sexuality and pleasure? Sarrah explained to us that we needed to make an environment for our inner child to play, and run free. Because when we don’t, they try to make decisions for us which impacts our external world and how we handle different situations.
When I visualized my inner child, I saw a young kid with messy hair, a worn collar from tugging and chewing on it all day, some sort of bluish color around my lips from some drink, and him staring blankly back at me as if to say, “what do you want?” I didn’t expect my inner child to be so young, but nonetheless, there he was. I asked him, what is it you need? What do you miss? And began exploring the thoughts and emotions of this identity that I had never come into contact with before.
As I went about the rest of my week, I would constantly identify with my inner child before a decision would be made. At the grocery store. Talking to girls at the bar. Sitting at home on my own. I would ask what it is that my inner child wants and if it is reflective of what I actually want. It was an interesting process that helped me make decisions in a way I never did before. I plan on expanding this relationship with my inner child and continue building this environment for him to roam free, so I can too.
This week my breathing exercises got a lot more interesting. Sarrah walked us through something called ‘primal breathing’, where we would stand shoulder-width apart and get into some open-mouth breathing. First with our hands swaying by our sides, concentrating on breathing through our pelvis, then with our arms expanded wideout, breathing through our chest.
I’m not sure if it was because I was using all of my body, but this time, I really started to feel it. Even during the first time when Sarrah was showing us how it was done. I got a little lightheaded, my body started tingling, my mouth was dry, but 5 minutes into it I was completely lost in my own mind and body. Before I even realized it my head was moving side to side and I was making these vocal sounds that I almost had no control over. I was really excited to continue exploring this new exercise.
I decided I would do about 20-30 minutes of primal breathing every morning right when I got out of the shower. I decided to let the shower keep running to mask any primal noises that might come out (sorry, earth). While the first couple of times I got tired pretty quickly, on my 3rd day of practicing, I was really starting to lock it in and go without stopping. I could feel some sort of tingling sensation going through my hips and into the tip of my penis. Not exactly an arousing feeling, but an energizing feeling that you can really feel.
It was on my 6th day that some really crazy shit started happening. I was almost able to do it for 30 minutes straight, and I swear to god, I started hallucinating. I had been having ongoing discussions with my inner child the entire week, asking him questions and listening to what he has to say, and parts of that emerged during the exercises. I saw images of my old babysitter, who helped raise me through childhood. I saw my childhood friend. I saw my mom, holding me! Afterward, I told myself that surely it was my own conscious effort that brought up those thoughts, but when I tried it later that day for an extended amount of time it would happen again, with different memories and visuals.
What I love most about these exercises is how you feel after. It’s almost like the high you get from working out, except not as exhausting on your body. My arms would tingle down to my fingertips. My head was buzzed. And I felt full of energy! Sometimes, when I had a really good session in the morning, I wouldn’t even feel the need to have a cup of coffee. Something I never thought could be done. While I might have been a skeptic at first, I am convinced that these breathing exercises have some incredible value for both my mind and body. Looking forward to what Sarrah has to show us next week.
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