How The Relationship with Your Parents Impacts Sexual Identity
The relationship with your mother is the first you have with another woman. Although we might not realize it early on in life, that relationship will shape how you perceive other women and interact with them. Sometimes, you may even seek out qualities in a woman that are reflective of the characteristics your mother had or the relationship you shared. The same goes with your father.
The relationship you have with your father and how you perceive him forms the basis of your understanding of masculinity and how a man should act and behave. The way you see your father treat your mother will define how you act as a significant other and those you’re intimate with in your life. When those associations aren’t strong or don’t exist, we go through life assigning those roles to various people and drawing our perceptions of masculinity and femininity through those we meet.
This week in the Man on Fire sex training course, we explored the relationships we have with our mother and father figures and learned how we can direct those energies internally to better shape our self-perception of masculinity and femininity. And to help you all better understand the impact of the training and exercises, one of my students is going to be sharing his experiences with you.
Week 2 – Reflection
When Sarrah first prepped us by saying we had to lay 4 pillows on the ground to transfer back and forth from, I was a little skeptical. I had never really engaged myself with exercises like this so I didn’t know that setting up physical proximities would help me with my associations.
When we first sat down, Sarrah told us to look at the pillow to the left of us and picture our fathers, or father figures. And to talk about everything you had a problem with about him, your frustrations or your disappointments, and then everything you appreciated about him.
At first, it was kind of difficult, but after a few minutes, it all came pouring out. It helped that we were all muted, so none of the other guys in the class could hear what you were saying. And also the fact that there were other guys in the video conference takes the pressure off because all of Sarrah’s attention (as nice as that would be to have) isn’t focused on you 100% of the time. For the most part, everyone is focused on themselves while Sarrah observes us and guides us through.
After this mock discussion, we were asked to look at the pillow infront of us and picture our masculinity. And to my surprise, I was able to do this quite easily. Immediately, I envisioned a large Atilla the Hun character, propped up on this little pillow infront of me. As I went about the exercise, describing what I saw and trying to imagine what part of my body he belonged in, the character grew more and more detailed and easier to see.
Next, we did the same thing with our mothers, saying out loud, but in private to them what we were appreciative of and frustrated about regarding our relationship. It was incredibly therapeutic. At that point, I realized that getting better at sex must have to do with creating a stronger person inside of you both mentally and physically. And building upon these little facets of our minds that make us who we are is how we reach objectives in our lives, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Next, Sarrah asked us to lie flat on the ground and start some open-mouth breathing exercises. Again, this was something I had never done before and something that took some practice. I was disappointed afterward that I didn’t experience any of the revelations that some of the other men had during this exercise (Sarrah lets everyone share their thoughts at the end of each session). However, she had given it to us as homework and I was determined to make use of it.
Throughout the week, I began trying the breathing exercises in instances where I was getting frustrated or anxious about something. During the initial moments of when I started the exercise, I felt myself growing more anxious, more frustrated, and was certain that it wouldn’t work. But after maybe 30 seconds or a few minutes, the frustration or anger reaches a peak, and its almost as if everything floods out in a moment of relief. And my breathing gets a little calmer, my mind more at ease. It was incredible.
I look forward to what she has to share with us next week and celebrating this new escape technique that I wish I had a long time ago!
If you’re interested in signing up for the Man on Fire sex training and empowerment course, or just have a few questions about it, use the button below to set up your first call with Sarrah. It’s free!