Madonna, Grandma, and Myself
Chances are Madonna was not an underground sex coach, but she easily could’ve been. And one of the best at that. Empowering, individualistic, and powerfully minded. I first watched Madonna’s Woman of the Year Award speech for Billboard Women in Music with my 90-year-old grandmother, a woman that has seen firsthand the struggles that women have faced over the last century.
We laughed at Madonna’s sexual jokes and I cried as I listened to her words. They were inspirational, raw and descriptive of my own personal journey as a woman in business. And yet, at that point in time, little did I really know.
She thanked those that gave her the award for “acknowledging her ability to continue her career for thirty-four years in the face of blatant misogyny, sexism, constant bullying and relentless abuse.”
A story that hit close to home.
Where It All Began
I had trained in Tantra and was teaching and practicing on my own and with my lover but my teaching was under the guise of yoga. It was Tantra Yoga that I was teaching and yoga was much more acceptable. When I said the word Tantra, eyes would look at me differently. Words would be muttered under muffled breaths.
When I left my traditional Christian upbringing and began yoga as a spiritual practice many years before, I received obscene amounts of condemnation. Message after message from those warning me, pleading with me, praying for me, judging me and reminding me that I’d be going to Hell.
I took it in stride, was as polite as I could’ve been and found my new tribe of yogis. Doing my very best to channel my inner Madonna and say, “This is my world”.
But it stung.
After thirteen years as a yogi, I was comfortable in that world. I was accepted. I was a leader. I wore the dress, talked the talk, ate the food. But there was something missing for me. I still felt like I was searching. I didn’t have peace inside and I didn’t want to reincarnate millions of more lifetimes to find it.
A Yogi Transforms
Yoga comes from Tantra but I didn’t know that then. I went to India for yoga teacher training and then realized that it was White Tantra that I was actually being trained in. It was powerful. It transformed my life but there was still something missing.
White Tantra connected me to outside sources. It connected me to gurus and energies outside of myself. I was still searching.
I began to practice Tantra in a different way. I began to connect with myself. I found that the deeper within myself that I went, the greater the peace that I had. The greater knowing that I had. I felt peace. I was no longer searching. I had literally found everything that I had ever desired inside of myself.
I felt confident, driven and with purpose for the first time. My creative and physical energy soared. I felt alive. I was lit up from the inside out and people noticed.
When I “came out” publicly on social media, it was my highest liked post but I was quickly reported and my post was taken down. This first of many… The caption that I wrote included a nude photo. No cracks or nips were showing but the bots just take down reported images without review. I felt that it was a beautiful and artistic photo. Me without hiding. I felt slapped in the face. A feeling that I soon got used to.
I was thrilled to see all the support I got. But where there is love, there is hate, and I was once again met with people who opposed my way of life. I thought, “Here I go again”. I had no idea.
Becoming a Certified Sex Coach
I taught my first official Tantra class a couple of weeks later. It sold out and changed lives. As soon as it was done, I began teaching another class. I’m a student myself, so I also enrolled in a year-long program to become certified as a Love, Relationship, and Sex Coach.
I became extremely educated in the science of sex, love, and relationships. I learned about the brain and body and how to release sexual trauma and create new neural pathways to pleasure where there had been pain before. I learned how to show people how to literally transform their lives from pain to pleasure. The entire year was head down, teaching, taking classes and creating my brand.
Word spread quickly and I was asked to teach my sexual mastery skills at many events. This is when I really began to see the sexual shadow of society. One that I had previously been a part of. Women, in particular, were very judgemental. Women that had been my friends turned on me, spread rumors and encouraged others to not take my classes. While I was working, others were talking.
From Yin to Yang
Guys became very interested in my ability to teach them sexual mastery, both mentally and physically. I realized why the women were so judgemental. They were faced with their insecurity and self-hatred. I owned my sexuality and that hurt this part of them that they had disowned. I felt compassion despite their betrayal. I understood why they acted the way they did.
It’s like Madonna said, “If you’re a girl, you have to play the game. What is that game? You are allowed to be pretty and cute and sexy but don’t act too smart. Don’t have an opinion. Don’t have an opinion that is out of line with the status quo, at least. You are allowed to be objectified by men and dress like a slut but don’t own your sluttiness and do not, I repeat, do not share your own sexual fantasies with the world. Be what men want you to be but more importantly, be what women feel comfortable with you being around other men.”
I’m completely devoted to my work as an empowering sex coach and spent all of my time focused on what more I could learn and how I could share in more effective ways. I began to feel safer in my home than out where others could judge me. I went from having thousands of friends to a few. But while my friend list shortened, my follower list grew exponentially. People were hungry to heal.
A man that I had been in love with slut-shamed me. I stood up to him because I honestly loved myself more than I loved him for the first time in years. Tantra got me to that place. We never communicated again. I began to understand the power of self-love. One by one, people that didn’t belong in my life were gone. Those that tried to bring me down or hold me back were out.
A man that didn’t get his way with me took it as his personal mission to destroy me. He lied and said strange things including that I was practicing black Tantra, stealing the jing from men, that my class was a Satanic abuse ritual and much more to anyone with ears. I realized why women are afraid to say no to men. I reminded myself that I must be doing something right to receive such attacks.
“Blatant misogyny, sexism, constant bullying and relentless abuse.”
Tapping Into My Inner Madonna
Time and time again, I returned to the power of the message that Madonna shared. Her words were my constant companion. For me, she was the only one that I could think of when I needed support.
I listened to her speech when my business insurance dropped me for working with people’s sexuality.
I listened to her speech when my social media account got shut down twice despite not violating their policies.
I listened to her speech when I couldn’t use the payment processor that everyone else uses because I sell products relating to sex.
When I get hate messages.
When I explain to my kids that the world doesn’t see things that way I do and that others look at their mom differently.
When women say that I’m setting women back because I enjoy my sexiness.
When men see me only for sex because I’m not afraid to enjoy sex.
When people say that I’m controversial.
When people say that what I teach isn’t Tantra.
I took her advice when she said, “As women, we have to start appreciating our own worth and each other’s worth. Seek out strong women to befriend, to align yourself with, to learn from, to be inspired by, to collaborate with, to support, to be enlightened by.”
I’ve aligned with these women and we support each other.
It’s 2019 People
My tantra and sex coach practice doesn’t need to be controversial. We’re humans and humans are sexual beings. We all came from sex. We are here to procreate. It’s an important part of our existence.
As a society, we are in a really bad place right now because we have had to suppress our sexuality for so long. It has not been safe for women to be sexual and this causes problems in our health and our relationships.
The rampant sexual abuse, sexual assault and sexual degradation that occurs are because we have not been able to express our sexuality in a healthy way that is normal and natural to us.
I am outspoken and loud because this is important to all humans and I will not shut up.
Like Madonna said-
“To the doubters, the naysayers, to everyone that gave me hell and said that I could not, that I would not, that I must not, your resistance made me stronger, made me push harder, made me the fighter that I am today, made me the woman that I am today. So, thank you.”
And, bitch, I’m Sarrah fucking Rose.