Top Tips on How To Last Longer in Bed
Men are constantly being accused of talking the talk and not being able to walk the walk. Problem is, you genuinely believe that you can last all night (or at least as long as she can), but then your penis has other ideas. Early ejaculation can be a serious confidence killer in the bedroom and prevent you from reaching your full potential. Luckily for you, according to the experts, there are a few things you can do to get your confidence back and last longer in bed – get ready to give one hell of a performance.
Try a Delay Spray
You spray a sexy smelling cologne and antiperspirant before a date, so why not a spray to make you last longer in bed? “Men that want to last longer in bed should absolutely try Promescent Delay Spray,” says Dr. Jed Kaminetsky, an American Board-Certified Urologist and Medical Advisor for Promescent.
“It’s clinically proven to help men improve endurance and is the only lidocaine-based spray with a patented formula designed for faster and fuller absorption, which means limited to zero transfer when used as directed.” He explains that just a few sprays to the most sensitive parts of the penis, including the underside of the head and shaft, will have you ready to go within 10 minutes (the time it would’ve taken you to finish before). The formula is also available in a convenient Delay Wipe for more discreet, on-the-go use, because you never know when the opportunity to have sex will present itself.
Focus on Your Breathing
When you’re consciously aware of the fact that you have trouble lasting in bed it’s easy to let it take over your mind, which only makes it worse (or shorter). The more you think about not being able to last as long, the more likely it’ll become a reality. One of the best ways to last longer in bed is to not think about it at all. Relax your mind and sex muscles (pelvic floor, muscles around the penis and anus) as tension will only cause quicker ejaculation. Then, focus on your breathing.
“Do deep belly breathing during sex and masturbation, really focus your breath in this area with long, slow, inhales and exhales,” advises Sarrah Rose, Sex Therapist and Founder of Tantric Activation. “Your breath is your number one tool when it comes to ejaculation control. Be disciplined with your breath. It’s a game-changer.”
Indigo Stray Conger, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Certified Sex Therapist at Choosing Therapy, agrees with Rose as she says “breathing is a powerful tool for harnessing the autonomic systems of the body. Applied with a tantric lens, breathing in specific patterns helps build energy in the pelvis.” She advises trying tantric breathing as it also allows for greater awareness of the pelvic floor muscles which controls orgasms. “Not sure where to start? Check out Barbara Carrellas’s book Urban Tantra. Her exercises will guide you from basic mindful breathing all the way up to energy orgasms and erotic massage techniques that extend the orgasm experience.”
Turn Up the Volume
Sex noises are a huge turn-on. They’re also an indicator of whether you’re giving a good performance, and the same goes for women. Knowing you’re enjoying the sex with her keeps her engaged and encourages her to take things to the next level and heat things up even more, but the best part? They can also help you to last longer.
Rose suggests using deep, guttural sounds to move your energy and release tension. Learn to make noise and be loud during sex and masturbation. By releasing sound, you’ll also release tension and be able to have more stamina.
Fast thrusts using the whole of the penis can excite you quicker, and therefore, cause you to climax faster. Men tend to favor fast, vigorous thrusting during sex, while a lot of women actually prefer slow, deep thrusts (with the occasional switching up of the tempo, of course) where she can really feel the penis inside of her. Try slowing it down and not using your entire penis while thrusting. “Thrust deep inside of her and stay deep rather than thrusting in and out the full length of your penis,” says Rose. “It feels good to her and does not stimulate your entire penis so you can last longer.”
Think About the Intimate Connection You’re Sharing
Sex is so much more than being able to last a long time. If you don’t share an intimate connection, you’ll probably want to tap out early. Rose suggests bringing the focus of your attention to your heart and keep it there rather than focusing on the sensations in your penis. Think about what sex really means.
“Imagine that your turn-on is moving from your penis, up your spine, and into your heart.” This will help you connect more with your partner from your heart space and create more intimacy. You don’t have to be in love with the woman you’re having sex with, quite often it’s by having sex that you build on feelings of love, especially with oxytocin in the air, but you’ll probably find that you have love for her regardless (unless you just picked her up at a bar, obviously). She also says it’ll help to diffuse the energy so that it’s not concentrated in your penis, and you’ll be able to have more control.
Let Go of the Expectation That You’ll Both Climax at the Same Time
Typically, women last longer than men in bed, and it’s important to remember this so you don’t put so much pressure on yourself to hold out for as long as she can. They can also have several orgasms in a row, and you can’t possibly compete with that.
So, Conger recommends focusing less on the climax, both your partner’s and your own. “A perfectly timed mutual climax is rare and serves as a poor measure for satisfaction and connection,” she says. “Anxiety around sexual performance can become cyclical, leading to entrenched issues with early ejaculation. Goal-oriented sex that is hyperfocused on climax causes you and your partner to miss a more rewarding and immersive experience.” Instead, take extensive time for non-genital touch before any kind of penetration and enjoy every inch of your partner’s skin. However, she explains that heightened sensory awareness may initially cause orgasms to occur faster, yet over time will allow for more depthful sexual interactions as well as greater orgasmic control.
Perform Oral Sex
So many couples skip out on foreplay and jump straight to the main event which can contribute to climaxing faster. Take the time to perform oral sex on your partner. Conger suggests pleasuring her first by using your mouth, hands, or toys to avoid overstimulation of your penis. Anxiety about lasting longer during sex often stems from wanting a partner to receive maximum enjoyment from the experience and focusing on their arousal first, whether almost to climax or helping them enjoy multiple orgasms, allows you to relax into your own body. “Usually when the pressure for an erection is off and you’ve had plenty of time to fulfill your partner’s desires, you can relax into an orgasm that takes exactly as long as feels right,” she says.
Take Care of Yourself
We should all prioritize our health, but especially if we want to last longer in bed. “Take care of your physical well-being,” says Conger. “Healthy overall choices will go a long way toward boosting sexual confidence and can also improve your stamina.” If you follow a bad diet and do very little exercise, your stamina will reflect your unhealthy choices. Heavy breathing from pleasure? Hot. Panting from being unable to catch your breath? Not hot. She explains that consistent cardiovascular exercise and a balanced diet support muscle tone, optimal weight, and improve circulation to your whole body, including your penis.
Cutting back or quitting the consumption of tobacco, alcohol and other recreational substances will also help to improve circulation and stamina. “Healthful living will help you feel sexier and reduce anxiety around sex while simultaneously allowing for longer and stronger erections,” she says. An apple a day will keep the climax away!
Yes, even more than you already are. Masturbating more can help to delay climaxing as it builds up your stamina. One technique to enhance this further is to masturbate until you’re about to climax, then stop. Recognize your triggers and the feeling right before you ejaculate. Learning how to take a breather and relax when this happens will allow you to do the same during sex. “This is called edging or orgasm control and it is the best way to learn how to improve performance during sexual activity,” says Conger. “Men who orgasm quickly often feel as if they have no control over the excitation process or when they orgasm. However, climaxing quickly is usually the result of habit and can be overcome by paying attention to your body’s excitation cycle.”
Try Different Masturbation Techniques
Did you know that you can learn new skills in bed while masturbating? MYHIXEL has created a methodology that helps men improve their ejaculatory control. It consists of an app that shows men new behavioral strategies during masturbation and puts them in practice with a medical pleasure device with the goal to teach you about your body during the sexual process and learn how to control ejaculation.
“Improvement and learning can come in two forms, helping with premature ejaculation (with MYHIXEL MED methodology), or learning new skills in bed (with the MYHIXEL TR, which is for all men who more generally want to control climax and decide when to ejaculate),” says Patricia López Trabajo, Founder, and CEO at MYHIXEL.
Changing your scenery can provide fresh ideas and different sensations. “If you always masturbate in your room, maybe try doing it in the shower, on the sofa, or any place where you can feel comfortable and relaxed,” she says. “Also try different times; if you usually masturbate at the same time of the day, try another time. Do you prefer mornings or before going to bed? Have you tried it after lunch?”
Trabajo encourages you to do anything that gets you out of your typical routine. Trying new techniques is the best way to explore your body’s feelings and experience new pleasures. “Try using both hands, changing the rhythm, playing with the top of the penis… there are many different ways to masturbate that will make you enjoy it to the fullest,” she says.