What should I do if my wife wants a divorce?
This morning, my team and I discussed a situation that a client is having with his wife. She has a flight response, and she’s asked him for a divorce. She is feeling triggered by a situation that happened and wants to run.
This client of mine is a beautiful man, the kind of man that I wish the world were full of, and he has made their relationship the most important thing in his life. He is committed to having epic love with his wife. We have worked together for many months, and he knows how to handle this situation.
When in a situation like this, it’s important not to fight fire with fire. Let the triggered person come out of the fight or flight state. They will not be able to receive from you while in that state. Calmly handle your own emotions and allow them to become regulated. When they have stabilized, you can have a conversation.
I recommend using language such as, “I want you to know that there is nothing more important to me than our relationship. I understand that you are in pain, which makes you want to end this relationship. I understand that the love I’m offering you is hard to receive right now. Mature relationships are about being there for each other through the hard things, and I want to be here for you through this. Are you willing to be here with me so that I can? I want to be with you through this, and we can get stronger together.”
In a relationship, to get the love you want, it’s necessary to give the love you want. Both partners must choose to show up with love regardless of the situation. It’s not easy to love when your partner is in fight or flight mode. Then again, no one said that relationships are easy. A successful relationship happens when both people take responsibility for their own emotions and are committed to taking care of each other. This is relationship maturity. Because of stunted emotional growth, this is not natural to most people. With coaching, you can heal and develop this in yourself and have an incredible relationship.